A “Plumbing” Problem

 

Old Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation.

 

“It’s terrible,” she said, “I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.”

 

“I see.  Have you done anything about it?” asked the doctor.

 

“Naturally,” she replied, “I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at night.”

 

“No,” the doctor said, “I mean do you take anything?”

 

“Naturally,” she answered, “I take a book.”

 

 

Keep smiling the world will smile back.

 

Ed

Lake of the Ozarks

 

Last week I took a day trip to the Lake of the Ozarks.  The lake area is located in central Missouri.  It is the lake destination for the Midwest for boating, skiing, fishing and just plain family fun. The lake covers over 54,000 acres and has 1,150 miles of shoreline.  The unique aspect of this lake is that the Army Corp of Engineers did not build it. What this means is that homes can be built right on the lakefront.  Many Midwest families own lake homes here. 

 

The lake was created with the building of Bagnell Dam 75 years ago.  It was built by Union Electric Company and still is used to generate electricity today.   Thousands of visitors travel here every year to enjoy the beauty and the recreation that was brought about by the Great Osage River Project. If you ever get a chance to visit the area you will not be disappointed.  Lodging ranges from mom and pop motels to midsize motel chains, on up to grand resorts.  If golfing is your forte then this is the place to go.  Whatever you desire in family fun and recreation it is there.  I do hope you get a chance some day to visit. 

 

Ed

Hawksbill Mountain

 

I climbed to the highest mountain

The park had to offer today.

My view at the top was tremendous

There is little my words can say.

 

The journey up was steep

But did not take too long

I knew I had reached the top

When the wind began its song

 

I had a nice conversation

With a couple from the Midwest

We talked about all the places we’d been

And which we liked the best

 

My journey down took a different route

Along the Appalachian Trail

My mind thought back in history

Of what it took for them to prevail

 

Sitting here at my campsite now

At the end of an awesome week

The thunder in the canyon

Bringing rain to the highest peak

 

I hope my friends the deer

Will wander by tonight.

I want to say goodbye to them

Before I leave this sight

 

And so I close

With this last remaining thought

The mountains, the rivers, the falls, the trees

I have found what I have sought.

 

Ed (5/14/04)

 

I want to thank you all for allowing me to share my verses here.  Only one other person had viewed these poems before I had the courage to share them in this public forum.   Although my words may be simple and my rhymes crude at best, the thoughts behind them and the emotions I feel run deep.  When I write, I am inspired not only physically but also emotionally.  If you were able to feel some of this emotion then I am honored.

 

Ed

 

 

Cedar Run/Whiteoak Canyon

 

The trail today is difficult

Strenuous they say.

Am I up to the challenge?

On this bright and sunny day?

 

It starts off easy

Gently going down,

But my knees begin to wobble.

Shall I go back and turnaround?

 

My body says no.

How far have I gone?

But my heart says I must,

Continue to go on.

 

I reach the first water falls

To which I have beckoned to see.

Now I know my heart was right,

The view has set my body free.

 

I meet a couple that is lost.

I help them on their way,

And continue on into the canyon

Oh what a beautiful time in May.

 

The trail now starts

To go up again.

My heart is now complaining,

But my legs have become my friend.

 

The series of falls

Are beyond my words to tell.

Heck, I am over halfway home

Did anyone see me when I fell?

 

The rest of the journey

Is much easier to the top.

I walk among the giant timber

They call it Limber Lost.

 

Finally I see my car

After my eleven mile hike.

My body is all spent

But my mind is at peace tonight.

 

Ed (5/13/04)

 

Stony Man (The Mountain)

 

The trailhead starts

A journey though time

For what you seek

Is little to what you find

 

From the tall oak trees

To the smallest of plants, they give hint

All is there to view

Nature’s past and present

 

Your journey to the top

Is but a speck of time to nature

But the memories it gives you

Is a lifetime to capture

 

My journey ends

At the point it began

The mountain gives me strength

I thank you, “Stony Man”

 

 

 

 

Ed (5/11/04)

Dark Hollow Falls

 

Rivers meander

Where do they go?

Sometimes they are fast

And at times they are slow.

 

My journey today

Took me along such a stream

It gave me so much, but

I had nothing to bring

 

At one point I heard jets

I looked up over head

But nothing was there

It was the river instead

 

As the water burst

Out of the mountain

Great speeds it would reach

Like an out of control fountain

 

To every bit of life

The water is divine

From the smallest of plants

To the largest of mankind

 

It runs like the blood

In the body of man

Bringing life to all

And everything it can

 

As I journey up

And away from the flow

I grew so sad and

Did not want to go

 

Where the water was going?

Or where it had been?

Matter not, for I’ve touched it

Hello my new friend

 

Ed (5/12/04)

 

This is a poem I wrote after a hike in the Shenandoah National Park in Virginia. It is part of the Appalachian Trail.  I camped along Skyline Drive and had a most wonderful experience. 

 

I hope to post a couple of other poems I wrote on that camping trip in the next few days.

 

Ed

I am home now after a run to Columbus, Ohio.  No pictures or areas of interests to talk about this time. What I focused on was people. Do you enjoy talking with strangers? Getting to know what they do, where they have lived, etc?   For me, it is enjoyable to strike up conversations with unknowns.  What is really amazing sometimes is what they are willing to share.  Here are a few of the people I met on my trip to and from Columbus.

 

          Dick:   The gentleman that took me to my motel in Columbus wore a cowboy hat and a parks and recreations shirt.  The shirt was not out of place but the black cowboy hat was in Ohio.  He worked most of his life in sales. After retiring he sat around the house for a few months, mowing the yard and washing the car almost daily. After about 3 months his wife said, “We have to talk”.  She said that he could either sit around and die a slow death or get out and get back to work.  She also said that if he chose to sit around and die then she was going to leave.  What an ultimatum.  The end to this story is that after going back to work for one month he had a heart attack.  Seemed sort of ironic to me. 

 

          Ron:  He showed up wearing one of those cell phones in his ear and seemed like an enthusiastic fellow.  During our ride to the airport, he was my shuttle driver; we began talking about his weekend.  It seems he had been to the drag strip all of the previous day. That certainly explained the redness of his baldhead.  He said, “I do this every time, I go out and burn my head”.   Moral of this story, if bald, wear cap. 

 

          Sue and Fred:  Sue is a Southwest Airline fight attendant, her husband Fred a pilot for Southwest.  We chatted in the Columbus airport while waiting on a plane.  They had been on vacation and were on there way back to Phoenix.  The reason I bring this couple up was because of what Sue told me. I asked about hiring of flight attendants at Southwest. She said they are always hiring.  When I questioned age preference she said that should not stop anyone from applying.  As a matter of fact she said older applicants actually were given more seniority in their training class. I am talking about 40 and 50 year olds. So, if you ever wanted to be a flight attendant and think time has passed you by. Think again.  She said the right people have an excellent chance to be hired no matter what their age.

 

          Ellen:  This was a lady I talked to on the plane from Columbus.  She worked for McDonalds (yes the “Big Mac” McDonalds) She buys real estate for future McDonalds operations.  What I learned from her is that for the most part, McDonalds owns the property and buildings that individual franchise owner’s run.  Much of McDonalds corporate income is generated by the rent they receive from their tenants.  She was on her way to Las Vegas for a commercial real estate show. Do you have some property for sale???

 

 

In closing I wish to relate a couple of signs I saw along the way. One of these is a bit questionable and the other one is totally in bad taste. So, be warned, I do not mean to offend anyone. 

 

The first sign was a billboard along the interstate.  It read  “Testicle Festival, June 2”.  To say I did a double take when I first saw this sign is an understatement.  I am sure that a testicle festival is not a place that I would want to “hang out” at. Lol

 

The second message I saw disgusted me. Now, I am not a prude by any stretch of the imagination.  But this guy carried freedom of speech too far in my opinion. He was walking in the airport, wearing a black t-shirt with bright white letters on it.  I hesitate to print what it said so I will hide one of the words.  It said:  “My **lls itch”. Is that right?  There are a lot of families with small children in airports. Why would a grown man wear such a vulgar shirt in public?  What do you think?   It reminded me of a student I once had that wore a shirt with a plastic window in front.  Inside the window was a condom.  The words on the shirt read, “In case of emergency break glass” I of course sent this student home. 

 

So long for now, keep smiling.

 

Ed

The Genius Farmer

 

A man is driving down a country road when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass.  He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

 

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way over to the farmer and asks him, “Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?”

 

The farmer replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel prize.”

 

“How?” asks the man, puzzled.

 

“Well, I heard they give the Nobel prize to people who are out standing in their field.”

 

 

Go out this weekend and stand in your field. Enjoy nature every chance you get.   Have a great weekend.

 

Ed

Words to Live By

 

As one matures and learns from life’s experiences it is important I feel to pass on some of what you have gained.  It is with this in mind that I share some thoughts I have had for some time about life.  I call it “My Four Guiding Words”.  You may have other words to use than mine but I do hope that all can identify with what I write.  Ok, here goes an attempt to give my manual for life.

 

RESPECT    Do you have someone that you really respect? A parent perhaps, a friend?  Some of us hold sports figures in high regards or others may praise entertainers.  Maybe you call it your hero.  I certainly have mine. That is all well and good; I hope you were able to think of many people you respect.  Actually though that is not the type of respect I am referring to here. I am speaking about the respect you have for yourself, the belief that what you do in your life is important.  We use our heroes and people we have respect for to help us build our own character and make us a better person.  Do you look yourself in the mirror each night and like the person you see?  If so, then you have respect for yourself. If not then do something about it. Change things in your life that is causing you to lose that precious feeling about yourself that only you can produce.  Stand up for what you believe in. The respect you have for yourself and who you are will help you make some of life’s most challenging decisions. 

 

Effort   There are many things in our life that we have no control over.  Let me share a short story here. 

 

When my daughter was a freshman in high school she went out for the softball team.  She had high hopes to make varsity her freshman year, no easy task in a school with an enrollment of 2,000.   I could see it was eating her up.  She was not herself leading up to tryouts.  Stress had taken over her and things just were not going well.  Her coach sensed this early during tryouts and called her in for a conference.  Coach told my daughter that she had no control over who would be picked to play varsity.  This was the coaches decision and no other.  She told my daughter that the only thing she should concern herself with was her effort.  That is the only thing she had control over and not to worry about things that are out of her control. 

 

This coach had an excellent lesson for us all.  There are many things in our lives that we have little or no control over.  One of the most important ones that come to my mind is how other people think.  We cannot control what they do or how they feel about us. The only thing we have control over is the effort we put into our daily living.  If a job is not going well then only look at the effort you are putting into it.  If your effort is everything you have then you cannot worry about the outcomes. I know this is easier said than done but it is the truth.  Worry about what you have control over, that is all you can do.  You get out of life what you put into it.  Put your best effort forth each and everyday and then be proud of what you have accomplished.  It may not always turn out the way you want but know you did everything you could do. 

 

Trust Putting your trust in something is a scary prospect at times.  Have you ever trusted someone only to get burned?  Has there been that special someone in your life that you shared everything with, your deepest darkest secrets, only to have them break this trust you put in them and use what you have said against you?  We are all human.   When trust is broken it is one of life’s most heartbreaking moments.  However we must trust those around us. To go through life alone, not trusting anyone is a tragedy.  Putting our heart out there is scary, but necessary to feel loved.  I will admit that this is the most difficult one for me.  At the surface I tend to trust people easily.  It is when I get really close to someone that I tend to let jealous thoughts creep into my mind. I have to fight this a lot.  I guess it is because of the deep hurt I have felt in being let down by someone I have trusted in the past. That makes if difficult to trust again.  However, I must fight this temptation to hide my feelings and must trust others.  Placing trust in people is a precious gift one can give to another.  It is a gift that cannot be taken lightly.  Trust has to be an element of our life to make it worthwhile and rewarding.

 

Success What does that word mean to you?  Does it mean wealth?  How about friends?  Family?  One friend?  Winning? Power? Status? Pleasure? Material things?  I will summarize this all with a formula.  (I know, my math background is sneaking in here.)   R + E + T = S.  Did you get that?  Respect + Effort + Trust = Success.  Feeling successful is important. We all have different definitions of success.  Are you meeting your idea of success?  My thought is this.  If you have RESPECT for who you are, give your best EFFORT each and everyday of your life, and place TRUST in others around you then you will feel SUCCESS.  Now I am not naïve enough to know that this will happen every single day. We are going to have good days and bad days. Just let my four words guide you and perhaps the bad days will get better and the good days will be even more rewarding than ever.

 

 

I hope my ideas here have caused you to pause and give thought.  Life does not owe us anything.  May the rewards that life does offer come your way! 

 

Ed 

Life After Retirement

 

A couple of people have asked me what I do that allows me to travel so often.  Well, for those 1 or 2 others that may be slightly interested let me explain.  I will try and give the short version so as not to bore you to death. Lol

 

 

I grew up a farm boy in Iowa, went away to college and became a mathematics teacher. My career lasted 30 years.  My love of Algebra (ok, I know I am weird, lol) guided me through 16 years teaching middle school and the last 14 at the high school level.  When retirement neared I knew I was ready.  During my final year, it felt good teaching the quadratic formula for the last time.  The thought of never having to teach how to solve the following problem again thrilled me:  If train A leaves Chicago at 10:00 traveling at 45mph and train B leaves one hour later traveling at 55 mph, where and at what time will train B catch train A.  (By the way, the most common answer given was “Who gives a flip!” lol)

 

I lasted about 5 months after retirement doing nothing.  After that I had to get out of the house and get busy.  Not knowing what I wanted to do, the only thing I knew for sure was that I wanted to do something totally different from teaching. 

 

Well, after a few jobs I stumbled on what I am doing now.  The company I work for transports rail workers.  They have locations all over the US.  I don’t move people but rather move their vans from location to location.  There are over 2,000 vans currently in the fleet.  Usually I drive a new van out and then either bring an old one back or I fly back.  It is part time work and if I don’t want to do a trip for one reason or another I just say so.  Right now I am usually going out about once a week for 2-3 days. It is exactly what I want to be doing at this time in my life. I enjoy driving, love to see the country, and get paid to do so.  No complaints from me.

 

So, this is my story.  If I put you to sleep, that is ok, at least this blog did someone some good.  Keep thinking good thoughts.

 

Ed

OHIO

 

I arrived back home this afternoon from a trip to Ohio.  It was rainy most of the time but enjoyable nonetheless. My intentions were to take some pictures as I crossed the Mississippi River.  The location for my anticipated photo shoot was just north of St. Louis, Mo.  The time was 7:00 am and the fog had set in pretty thick.  I made my way down to a river front park with camera in hand ready to snap a few off.  As I drove into the park I was unnerved a bit by what I saw.  There were a number of “guys” hanging around in cars. Now these “guys” looked, shall we say, a bit rough!  When I drove by them they were eyeing me with intense stares.  I honestly felt, that if I stopped and got out, I would either get robbed or raped. So… no Mississippi River pictures.    On a side note, Mississippi was the first big word I remembered knowing how to spell.  I suppose it was in 2^nd or 3^rd grade.  I would go spelling it out loud all day;      M..I..SS..I..SS..I.. PP..I ;       M..I..SS..I..SS..I..PP..I.   Not sure if I was proud of myself for spelling such a big word or thought it was cool saying “PP” around adults without getting in trouble. 

 

My next stop, Cincinnati, Ohio.  There was an interesting lady working the front desk of the motel the morning I checked out.  She had a picture of a baby on the counter.  It was one of those awkward moments as I was not sure if she was the mom or the grandma.  Saying how cute the baby was led her to say it was her baby.  Then she floored me with this statement: “I didn’t know I was going to have her until the night before she was born”.  Of course I said “What?”  She proceeded to tell me that the doctor thought she had a gall bladder problem. They treated her with strong medications thinking the gall bladder was causing her puffiness and gain of weight.  Finally it was decided that her gall bladder would have to come out.  She went to the hospital and low and behold, they discovered a baby. She gave birth the next morning.  Now how could the doctor, or for that matter she, not know she was pregnant?

 

My last stop was in Sandusky, Ohio before flying out of Cleveland.  The pictures I show are on the lakefront in Sandusky.  It was very windy and cold that day on Lake Erie.   If you like roller coasters then you must do Cedar Point, which is on the lake in Sandusky.  It has some of the best coasters in the entire world, 16 to be exact.  One of them, called the “Top Thrill Dragster” goes 120 mph in just 4 seconds.  Oh my. Could you handle that?   Another great place just outside of Sandusky is Put-n-Bay.  It is an island that you take a ferry out to visit. My favorite spot there is a place called  “The Roundhouse”. It has great food, lively spirits, very talented bands, and dancing. 

 

Hope everyone is ready for a great Mothers Day weekend.  Enjoy.

 

Ed

Kiss My Booboo

 

Do you suffer from allergies?  Do the words pollen, mold, ozone, or even cat fur send you running for the Kleenex box?  This is the time of year when allergy sufferers wish the heck they lived in Alaska.  Well I have found the cure.  Kissing!   Yes that is right, a good half hour a day of cuddling and making out is just what the doctor ordered.

 

I read an article today about some findings from some Japanese researchers.  Here is a synopsis of what they found:

 

Researchers at Satou Hospital in Japan told 24 men and women with hay fever to spend 30 minutes kissing their partners while listening to relaxing music. The researchers took blood samples after both scenarios. After the kissing sessions, they saw a significant drop in levels of immunoglobulin E (IgE), which prompts the release of histamine into the blood, triggering symptoms of hay fever. However, just cuddling didn't have the same effect. Lead researcher, Dr Hajime Kimata, tells the Daily Mirror: "The results indicate for the first time that kissing may alleviate allergic responses."  

 

Now I don’t suffer from allergies myself but I sure can sympathise with those that do.  Give me a call if you need a good half hour cuddle and kissing session. I am here to help. Lol 

Enjoy your Tuesday.

 

Ed

 

Route 66

 

I just got back from a quick trip to Winslow, AZ.   It was a rush trip, so not much time to stop and explore the sights along the way. My photos show some scenery along I-40 in New Mexico and Arizona.  One destination was Winslow, Arizona.  Yes, there is a corner to stand on and take it easy.   There is however more than “one” corner in the town.  Did the Eagles lie? Lol Actually many of the towns in New Mexico and Arizona along I-40 are similar.   Towns like Tucumcari and Santa Rosa in New Mexico and Holbrook and Winslow in Arizona, along with many others are along the old historic Route 66.  There is basically one main street through these towns.  Remnants of the old route are still there, mom and pop motels, lots of places to eat, etc.  My take on these towns is that they were thriving at one time.  Then the Interstate was built and all development moved to the interstate exits.  The old town’s one main street thus remains in tack.  

 

One story to tell on my flight from Phoenix today was an observation I made of a fellow passenger.  While standing in line to board the aircraft there was this lady ahead of me that was meticulously organizing her purse and carry on bag. She worked for at least 15 minutes getting everything in its place and a place for everything.  When it came time to board the plane she went to hand the gate attendant her boarding pass.  She could not find it.  So much for organization. 

 

I am off again for a short trip to Iowa.  Have a wonderful weekend. 

 

Ed

The sun is finally out, an absolutely gorgeous day ahead.  I think the grass has grown an inch since I awoke this morning.   Mowing the yard will for sure be on my agenda later this afternoon.  There were a couple of news articles that peaked my attention.  See what you think:

 

Hospital Bans Smoking

 

A local university hospital system here has banned all smoking.  That is not much news these days.  However, this university declare took it a step or two further. There is to be NO SMOKING on any hospital property. This includes the parking lots and in your own personal car while in the parking lot.  To my surprise they have extended this no smoking beyond university property.   If an employee even smells of smoke they will be reprimanded.  Heck, just riding in the car to work with someone who is smoking could produce this effect. They presented a couple of thoughts of rationale.  One was that the hospital wanted to present a sense of living a healthy lifestyle to its patients.   To me, if they were really serious about that then why do they permit extremely obese persons to work for them?  Another rationale offered was that some patients are trying to cease smoking. Even the smell of cigarettes may trigger a reaction of some sort.  My take on this is they are taking away someone’s freedom to do as they wish in their own personal life.  I am a non-smoker, (ok, an occasional cigar) but I do believe smokers have some rights here that are being infringed on. 

 

 

 

Swine Manure Fuel

 

A University of Illinois has perfected the process of turning swine manure into crude oil.  It is reported that one pig could produce up to 21 gallons of crude.  Considering the hundreds of millions of hogs produced each year in the US this could cause a big impact on the use of foreign oil.  Imagine that, getting our fuel from “pigs”.  As a kid growing up on an Iowa farm, one of my many jobs was to haul out the manure and spread it on the fields. Who knew I was throwing money away.  

 

 

Have a wonderful day and go out and smell the smoke……., manure, ………… whatever. 

 

 

Ed